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My Ex-Wife |
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Submitted by HalfAsser
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Monday, 06 October 2008 |
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My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the same time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.
Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.
The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Liz was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.
The photograph below , taken at the scene , shows the extent of damage to her aircraft.
She was very lucky.
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2 Quarters or a Dollar Bill |
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Submitted by HalfAsser
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Monday, 06 October 2008 |
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves
'What did I tell you?' said the barber. ' That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!
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The Tomato Garden |
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Submitted by HalfAsser
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Friday, 03 October 2008 |
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
"Dear Vincenzo, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, Papa"
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
"Dear Papa, I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie"
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
The same day the old man received another letter from his son. "Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie"
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Water or Wine |
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Submitted by HalfAsser
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Thursday, 02 October 2008 |
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. Body waste.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.
WATER = poop
WINE = HEALTH
Ergo: It's better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.
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